Battling Depression
Please excuse the super emotional post for today. I am compelled to share this with you because I felt like I am not being true to myself and to you.
Online, I seemed to be ok. In reality, I am not. I have been battling depression and anxiety over the last couple of months. I have developed a very unhealthy eating habit and have not been sleeping well. I easily get irritated over little things. I became lazy, complacent and I lost motivation that at times I just want to stop and get away from everything.
The last couple of months have been tough – creating, maintaining this blog and my business and connecting to people. I felt like I’m not being true. And it showed in my numbers (social media, blog, shop).
I knew and I perfectly understand that I have to deal with this.
For some reason, nothing’s working. I’m still in the dark and I still grieve over a lot of things – my business, lost opportunities, people who chose to stay away from me, people who continue judging me without knowing the “real” facts.
After being quite for a couple of months, today – I cried.
My husband noticed how my behavior changed. We talked and I cried a river opening up to him what’s causing these bad feelings I have inside of me. I got some nagging (which I consider very normal of him) and I got some harsh words and then I cried more. Honestly, I needed to hear his words. True, I cried a lot but it was huge relief! It felt like something big was taken off of my chest.
Then, he listened to me more and when the tears all dried up – he gave me a huge hug.
Seeing the Good
Our conversation was such an eye opener. We have different views but in the end, he respected mine.
I have learned a lot today but the one I love most is when he told me this – “Respect Yourself.”
And that is what I am going to do from now on.
I will keep on living and see the good in things – and people. I know it will not be easy but I still have people around me who believes in me. Who don’t judge me because of other people’s words. Who have accepted me for who I am. That enough is a good reason to start over again.
So as July ends – I’m throwing away all of these negative emotions. Go and stay with the negative people who you belong with. I am not yours and you will never become a part of me again.
I’m ready for another day.
Mye, thank you so much for your refreshing honesty. In this day, with the ability to share so much of one’s self out there with the world, I find that in the quest to share one’s best self, we’re perhaps losing one’s whole self.You have a lot on your plate to balance, just like all working moms do. The best we can do is support and lift up each other. Even our husbands, as well meaning as they are, cannot fully understand our perspective.
My thoughts are with you and your family and I wish for you better days ahead.
And know, no matter what you create, it is all amazing to me. You are one talented lady.
Thank you so so much for your understand and support, Tiffany.
Congratulations on your fresh start.So sorry you have been silently going through this.
Jan, thank you so much. Silence has taught me how to handle things differently.
Mye, I am so glad that you’ve shared your difficulties with your husband to get some of that weight off of your shoulders. I hope that you continue to feel better each day that goes by. Please know that your artistry bring joy to my home when I use your awesome sets to scrap my family’s memories. While you might not have felt it every day, you do bring light into the world with your talent and your presence. And you are right – life is too short to let negative people into it. Take care.
Thank you so much Sandy. It means so much to hear that you are able to use my creations to document family memories. That’s my purpose and knowing that I make people happy should be enough 🙂
I have dealt with depression most of my life. I have done well until about 3 years ago, I lost my dad to a tragic accident. Every day is a battle. Keeping positive people in your life and making time to do the things you love to do sure does help. I wish it was as easy as saying go away and don’t come back to the feeling but it is not. Keep your head up and keep the positive people close. 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss Shannon and thank you so so much. I truly appreciate it.
Don’t know what is making you so sad, but from what I see in your posts, you seem to be a strong, talented, amazing woman. When I started doing digital scrap booking, your kits were one of the firsts to catch my eye. When I started following you on facebook and saw pics of your little ones, I felt your warmth and friendliness. We may never meet personally but I do consider you a friend. I will pray that you overcome this and that you remain strong.
Ohhh you are so sweet, Sandra. I consider a scrapper a friend and those who follow and support me a friend. That is probably why I have kept it quiet for a while 🙂 Thank you for your support. I truly appreciate it <3
Believe in yourself! There will always be people who will put you down but stay strong. Above all, carry on doing what you are good at! All the best!
Thank you for being a friend, Audrey and thanks for all the advise. I’ll keep it in mind 😀
My depression has left me totally down for five years. We moved to a different state and I didn’t know anyone. I wouldn’t leave my house or talk to anyone other than my husband. I gained 100 pounds. We are returning home in four months and I can’t wait to see family and friends. I know what a battle depression can be and my heart goes out to anyone who suffers from it. Thanks for your honesty. Some times you feel all alone.
The worst part of it is the weight gain, Rose right? I have been trying to eat healthy this year to lose my pregnancy fat and this happened. But slowly, I will get back into the swing of things. Thank you for your support
I appreciate the courage it took to write this down and to post about it. It brought back memories of a time when I was going through something too. I suffered for a while before I got help for situational depression after my mother died. It took a long time to get the help I needed, but now I don’t really recall how bad it was because things are so much better now. One of the keys was learning about myself and some basics about respecting myself and the life I lead. I hope you can find your help too…..glad you have a good start and can open up about it. Reach out if you need it…..there are people “out here” who care and have resources to support you however we can. Stay strong, some days are better than others, but you can handle it…….sometimes you need others to do it and that’s okay. My best to you…..
Aw, Mye. Bless your heart! Depression sucks! What makes it so bad is there aren’t any bandages or rashes or any symptoms that people can see and know you don’t feel good. Depression has no has outward symptoms. There is usually some sort of bull crap or pain or hurt or whatever involved, so, it isn’t like you can just tell any one, like the lady in the check-out line at the market. So, we end up keeping quiet about it and hiding it from others. It builds up and we can’t handle it anymore! That’s when we make the realization and fall apart.Sweetie, you may have put off your post-partum blues, since your little one required so much attention when he was born. That may be all this is. But, please, if you don’t do anything else, go see a physician or psychologist. (One big difference between psychiatrists and psychologists is the psychiatrist can write scripts, a psychologist can’t.) Depression can be a side effect of other ailments. Please, just have yourself checked out. If finances are tight, which is just about everyone with children, there are ministers, priests, other clergy, and in a lot of places, there are groups for us.
Yep, I suffer from it, too. A few years back I found I was always running into some bull crap or another while I was out – I was even assaulted in a store – so, I decided not to leave home. Now, I take care of most of my business online. I write people I want to ‘talk’ to, etc. I have just shut myself off. That, in and of it’s self is depressing! So, I am not where I want to be in dealing with it. I hate the meds – the side effects to anti-depressants are some of the worst there are!
You took the first step. You told your hubby and you’ve told us. See what groups your area may offer. If nothing else, older female relatives and/or friends might be able to lend an ear and even some advice.
Whatever, you keep hanging in there. We all want to be ‘wonder’ women and it isn’t always possible. Take care of you first. And, blessings to you and your family. You have friends here!
Su
Mye, sweetheart, you know I adore you and your babies. I support you in anything that you do and admire you tremendously. I don’t know how you do it all. Taking care of your family and running a business and putting such gorgeous art work every month.
My favorite quote, the one I always keep in mind, is on from Eleanor Roosevelt; No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
And it goes well with another quote: What other people think of you is none of your business. It’s true. What they think about you it about them and not about you. Their own little petty minds. And if you don’t give other people permission to hurt you or make you feel bad, they have no chance. Most people make others feel bad because they are feeling rotten themselves. Hurting others make them feel better. So it all about them and not about you. You, my dear, are perfect as you are and you’re doing the best you can.
Depression, I unfortunately know all about depression. There are many kinds of depressions. One is physical, the lack of certain hormones in your brain or lack of sunlight. That can be fixed by taking meds. And than there is the depression caused by grief. Grief of a life lost, of plans for a life lost, grief over having to carry it all on your shoulders. The loss of who you thought were friends, I could go on, the list is long. You have all the right to grief as much as you need. so much has changed in your world, support of people that you trusted was lost. At one point though you arrive at acceptance, you have no choice. You can go on making yourself miserable or accept that things have changed and but that you still have a the right to a happy, although different life. You’ve now reached that point and will start to crawl back and there will be rays of happiness and also fall backs, I know it’s not easy. You still will have times that you are hit out of the blue with this blanket of grief. Trying to hold you down. Just keep in mind and tell yourself over and over again; this too shall pass. And soon those fall backs will become shorter and you will become stronger.
Because you have been so open I will also be open and tell my story:
I put myself through the academy of art to become a graphic designer when I was a single mom, it had been my life long dream to design and I was so proud when I finally had my diploma! Now I could set up my home business and do what I loved to do. Than, ironically I was hit with a neurological disease, one that made me bed bound 24/7 or on good days I can sit in my wheelchair. I grieved the loss of life that I planned and dreamed of, a life of designing and creating.
No spontaneous walks for me with my dogs or shopping and having coffee with a friend. Friends who left because they think that hanging out with someone who is in bed is no fun at all. They have places to go, things to do, parties and BBQ’s to attend, their life goes on. And then there were those family members who didn’t believe I was ill and said I made it up, it was all in my head, I was lazy, didn’t want to work. If only I did more exercise, did more …… fill in the blanks. They said ugly things and made me feel inferior, I didn’t contribute anything to society. And yes that caused a depression. After a struggle I removed tosic people from my life. It was a battle, especially because I lost many online friends who also had this disease. The number one cause of death in this disease is suicide because there is no cure many could not go on living in pain for so long. Losing friends like that makes you wonder if that would also be the answer for you. It’s a balance on a tightrope and luckily I managed to stay on it, for now. I do admit that when the pain is relentless and I lie in my dark room with earplugs in and a eye mask on because all light and sound and touch hurt, and it takes days before I can sit up again and control my hands and legs, my thoughts often go to the friends who’ve gone before me.
And then I think of my grand babies. I have 2 of them, 4 and 1 years old, I never held them or seen them in person because I can not travel, but that is my goal. I hold on to that and that is what keeps me grounded.
Stay strong sweetheart but cry if you must, be gentle with yourself, you are beautiful inside and out and you have the gift of making beautiful things that help others creating and preserving their life’s memories and stories. You have your health and 3 gorgeous children and a life of happiness to look forward to. Much love to you.
((((HUGS))))
Well, friend, in my book you’re one amazing lady! You know I’m a fan of your work and your family. I know nothing about the negative things being said about you, and I imagine most of your followers have no idea either. I’m so sorry about your depression, Mye. I,like many of those who have responded, have first-hand knowledge of depression. I will be praying for you, Sweetie. XO! Donna
Oh Mye, I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this. I completely feel your pain & am so glad that you have been able to open up to your hubby – and to us – and will hopefully now get some support. Depression seriously sucks, and it’s not easy to get rid of. I have absolute faith that you can do it!! The first step is the hardest, so pat yourself on the back dear, you DID IT!! Please continue to take care of yourself – there’s a reason they tell parents to put their masks on first in the airplane emergency procedures! Big big hugs honey, and please – know that you are enough. Just as you are – beautiful, strong, talented & just lovely all around. xoxoxo
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